It itches so you know it's healing . . .

Well, it's December 17th.  Christmas is just over a week away.  So far I've bought one present.  I put a wreath on the door and my son put up a small Christmas tree.  I think my "theme" this year is the Charlie Brown Christmas.  Money is tight, especially with leaving the part time job, so there isn't much room for extras, especially in terms of decor.  I've tried to boost my "Christmas Spirit" by inviting my kids to join me for activities, like going to see light displays, etc.  That's been a bust.  They've just reached the age where they're no longer interested and have their own ideas about what constitutes fun.  On the plus side, they're great kids and fully understand that I won't be buying tons of gifts this year.

I've been getting in more exercise lately.  My brother has had me meeting him and his family each Saturday, 3 in a row, to walk around the Flea Market.  It usually lasts about 2 hours or more and has been rough. It is accompanied by several days of sore back and legs, but I haven't given up and I think it's making a difference.

I continue to be grateful for days without kidney stone pain and for being able to walk at all.  I need to make this exercise thing happen more than once per week now.  Of course the schedule is a little crazy right now with Christmas next week and all, but I'll do what I can.

It's been a fun week with the office Christmas party and then the Star Wars premier.  Looking forward to finishing my shopping this coming weekend.

I've been feeling a little different lately.  I don't know if its the realization that my kids are starting to live their own lives and no longer rely on me for entertainment or company or camaraderie or whatever.  I've been feeling particularly lonely.  In a way I think this is a good thing and is a sign I'm really ready to move forward.  On the other side, I feel like I'm soooo far away from being in a position to start dating.  Maybe its an extra boost to keep me moving in the right direction, but for now I've been spending more time with friends and family to keep the feelings in check.

The more I think about it, the more I think it's like how an injury will itch.  I remember my Mom telling me that the itch means it's healing.  Maybe this loneliness is like that itch.  It's annoying and unpleasant, but is a sign of better things in the future, of emotional healing and therefore an increased desire to rejoin a society that I've hidden from for several years.  I'd like to think there is a positive meaning behind it, so I'm going to choose to stick with that theory.